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1. YTAH added on July 1, 2009 :

   This is one of the sweetest stories I’ve read in a very long time. Kudos to being a selfless dad. More kids should be so lucky.

2. ThunderpussGeisha added on June 19, 2009 :

   Beautiful article. My good friend just told me to read your work because he thought I would enjoy it-he was right. I’m a queer writer and activist in Toronto and similar to you, I don’t like being placed in boxes or explaining who I am to people who are narrow-minded, unable to see beyond mainstream hegemony and the appropriation of easy to be safe within an identity. You explore a variety of interesting points and I appreciate your honesty greatly. Good luck with the lil one, always! Xxo

3. Ed added on May 23, 2009 :

   Best Wishes Cute picture too~

4. crezzzy added on May 17, 2009 :

   enough with the kids!

5. James Martin added on May 14, 2009 :

   I think you were wrong. Gay men don’t have sex with women by definition. You are bisexual. At least have the courage to admit that.

6. michael added on April 24, 2009 :

   I really question whether half the people who commented on this story, actually read it all the way through.

   Best of luck to you and your boy Zachery.

7. H added on April 21, 2009 :

   this i exactly how i plan to have kids
   every children have the right to have a dad and a mum
   not two dad or two mum
   i’m gay and i’m 21 and i think that this is the best way for gays to raised children.
   congratulation to you

8. Christof added on April 21, 2009 :

   An interesting piece, but what’s more interesting is the effect it’s had on some readers. I would have hoped for less opinion and intolerance on how other people should conduct their sex lives and self define their sexualtity. That a gay man has had sex with his female friend and is now coming to terms with unplanned parenthood comes as less surprise to me than the
   Joey seems to be coming up with some real corkers:

   “Another nail in the coffin of the gay rights movement.” “I just think the idea of a man calling himself gay and then going off and having unprotected sex (during which he actually ejaculated) with a woman is just plain creepy, and goes against everything the gay rights movement is working for.”
   Zachary is also seen as both “lazy and selfish” and an “Asshole” by onthewestside.

   Becoming an unplanned parent is difficult and lifechanging enough, I didn’t expect such judgement, name calling and intolerance from this website. Thank goodness Zachary has that support group!!

   Thanks for that piece to both Z. and Butt – it’s highlighted how we are not one and the same.

   Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to go and fuck my boyfriend and come deep inside him, we’re going to keep trying til one of us becomes pregnant. Hopefully the baby will have a mustache too.

9. Nina added on April 19, 2009 :

   Kudos to this guy! It’s so refreshing to hear this kind of story, and it’s so honestly written. People who think this kind of man is an asshole, etc, need to broaden their fucking horizons. You think people will only experiment in their teens? Most teenagers are lucky to get that kind of chance without discrimination or bad attitudes from others. As long as parents can do all they can to love their children, it NEVER matters who they are. Do you think the child cares? No – they just need a role model to lean on. And this bloke, holy cow, he’s an outstanding one.

10. CCal added on April 16, 2009 :

    cute guy!! i’d hit that……A LOT!

11. dave added on April 15, 2009 :

    thats sweet

12. sjoerd added on April 15, 2009 :

    yawn.

13. dave-o added on April 14, 2009 :

    Where’d the butts go? Please more slice-o-ass, less slice-o-life.

14. k added on April 13, 2009 :

    seriously?! man the internet really is a hot bed for moronic comments.
    not once does zach disclose the details of said sexual encounter. as if any of you have a HUMAN BEING to account for every sexual misadventure you’ve found yourself in…
    further more, as a parent, i find him second to none. and the cander with which he expresses himself is nothing to be chastised for.
    shame (some of) you.
    i sincerely hope you find that foot in your mouth delicious.

15. simon added on April 13, 2009 :

    i just find it somewhat problematic the way that this child is being positioned almost as a prop or accessory in this post and i question whether his rights are being fully respected here. in short, why is his photograph published? what, beyond the intended “awww” factor, is accomplished by having an underage child’s pic posted on a public blog, especially given the intensely personal nature of the story? i wonder what he’ll have to say or think about this when he’s old enough to process the fact that he himself was “outed” for no real reason other than to illustrate a piece of media. questionable editorial decision-making on the part of butt blog, i’m sorry to say. full disclosure is the choice and right of the individual to make for her or himself, as is anonymity. it’s even more curious why the dad, who says he’s struggling with finding ways to be a present and responsible parent, would submit the photograph in the first place.

    the article, i might add, offers nothing from or about the child’s perspective. it’s all about the father. it starts off with, “My life…,” after which the child is introduced to readers literally as a “statistic.”

16. hunter gabrielle added on April 13, 2009 :

    “Now, I’m a single gay dad under thirty, that didn’t adopt, didn’t get married and isn’t bisexual, and inadvertently ends up with a best friend getting pregnant from the solitary experience.”

    I hope you NEVER compromise your identity just because you had sex with a woman and had a kid. After all, identity is just a social construct, and reality is far more complicated…

17. GeorgyGirl added on April 13, 2009 :

    First of all, children need love to grow. And Zachary’s son clearly has that, and I applaud him for making the best decisions possible for his family so that the love flourishes first and foremost.

    Secondly: what is this obsession with labelling people? When did people stop being people and become marketing labels? Have we not moved beyond the Kinsey era?

    What someone does in the privacy of their own bedroom is their own business and does not define them as a person. Labels, labels, labels. They annoy me and they smack of descrimination – would all the brown-haired people stand over there and not associate with the blonde-haired people, please?

    We’re *people*, people. And we’re very complicated. I read this as the story of someone who became a parent and doesn’t live with the other parent. End of.

18. Alessio added on April 13, 2009 :

    Zac… Reading you made me emotional

19. Eysteinn added on April 13, 2009 :

    What a great story, the kid is fortunate to have two parents, even if they are not together, and I’m strangely happy for Zachary having found parenthood unexpectedly, good luck with all that my good man Zach. I feel like I know what you are going through with all the separation anxiety I too am gay and father of two, but in my case the pregnancy was planned and the “girlfriend” a lesbian and we didn’t experiment with sex, just inserted semen artificially… -etc. and then the way to do the parenting is to to it together but separate, so I live in my flat and the mother in hers, but we have full access to the kids and are with them together most of the time. This has worked for us now for these past 12 years, and I am considering this a model way to have and raise kids as gay parents. But every family is different and we all must find our own way of raising our children, what works for one might be difficult for others. I hope you Zachary and your parenting partner will find a good way towards a working relationship in this. Seems to me you are doing great. All the best from Iceland, Eysteinn.

20. C added on April 12, 2009 :

    I love hot dad, and gay ones even better! bring on the pictorial..

21. stinky pinky added on April 12, 2009 :

    some of these comments read like the idiots over at towleroad. i thought butt readers would be a little more “live and let live” about things that don’t conform to tradition, but maybe this is more indicative of blog commenting in general. to say that zachary is setting the gay rights movement back by having sex with a woman fucking STUPID, and makes me think you are just as back woods as the phelps klan. our movement is about inclusiveness and acceptance, regardless of your sexual choices. butt has stories about 3 way relationships, shit eating masochists and druggy artists, and zachary offends you? FUCK you. what the fuck are you doing here to begin with?

22. Darina added on April 11, 2009 :

    So,

    First, this man conceived a baby by mistake – not the smartest thing to do, but it’s not a crime, and the woman is equally responsible. He tried to live in something like a marriage with the child’s mother, it didn’t work out for him, so he is now a “part-time” father in the way many divorced straight men are. In my opinion, he is a much more responsible faher than some straight men I know who have entirely abandoned their children after the divorce. And I am utterly disgusted with even straight people who preserve failed marriages for their children’s sake and quarrel all the time literally over their children’s heads.

    Second, he says that is a gay man who had sex with a woman ONCE and obviously has no intention of doing it again. We don’t know why he did it, but it doesn’t automatically make him bisexual. And he never said that it was “satisfactory”. And this is not a crime either.

    Third, he self-identifies as openly gay NOW. We don’t know if he was openly gay when he had sex with that woman as an experiment or whatever. We don’t even know if he was fully aware of his gayness back then.

    Why all the judgment and all the drama?

23. Maarten added on April 11, 2009 :

    Zach, a great, touching story. Love him, as you love yourself, and take care of your beautiful son.
    The best of luck! From beautiful Zwolle, The Netherlands…

24. Gerardo added on April 11, 2009 :

    But it’s nothing new. A gay dad… Or is it? The picture is cute, though.

25. Anthony in Nashville added on April 11, 2009 :

    The author can look forward to years of Father’s Day presents even though he says this was a complete accident.

    This story raises more questions than answers.

    The author says the girl was his best friend. Did she not know he was gay? If she did, why did she still have sex with him? If he wasn’t closeted or “questioning,” why’d he sleep with her? Who initiated it? The fact that he “inadvertently” forgot to use a condom or pull out makes it sound like this was something he planned.

26. Mark added on April 11, 2009 :

    Sam–
    The controversy is about men who self-identify as openly gay, as Zachary has presented himself. Not men who have yet to come out.

27. Sam added on April 11, 2009 :

    Joey: Gay men can be truly gay and still be able to perform, sexually, with women. If you don’t believe it, there are generations of gay men forced into marriages and having children whose stories you can probably read/hear if you do a little research.

28. Shaw added on April 11, 2009 :

    ec:
    Interesting. That explains his proximity to and boundaries with girls.

    robert:
    I suppose if you’re into femmy looking bi guys. Well, to each their own.

29. Chuck added on April 10, 2009 :

    geez – hyped up bunch of homos. For Zachary – thanks for sharing – it is nobody’s right to judge you in any way. Your son will be better for the 100% honesty you give him. Hey Brian – I guess I am like your Dad – was with women most of my adult life, have three sons. I just got to the point where it was “live exclusively for everyone else, or finally say I matter too”. I do, I came out after years of internal trauma, knowing that change would affect a lot of people. I certainly am capable of fucking women but the fact is I like dicks, ass, fucking and getting fucked, and my intimate moments in the hot, sweaty company of a man. Could I have gone on living lies, and being a dishonest man to my kids – yup, and I see it a lot. Lots of married guys on the down low – I just could not live that lie. Perhaps this younger generation has more clarity, less internal and external phobias, or just (like my dude) a lot cleaner acceptance of what makes you all different that I did not have at the 16 to 21 stage in the 70’s in a bright “red” community. Not proud, just facts. And anyone who preens about pure gaydom as somehow different than those of us who have had it in differing ways, blow me. There is a reason there is a “range” on the straight/gay scale, and some flat out cannot do both women and men. But to chastise or “brand” someone else is no better than the religious idiots who attempt to demonize and criminalize those who are non-straight in ANY of the variety of ways. For me, honesty with my kids is far better for me and them than a life of half-truth and shadow. They know I love them. They are with me every other weekend plus a couple weeks a year with my boyfriend, and we’re not shy about our physical connection to each other in front of them. I think it gives them a sense their life can be theirs to choose, whatever their internal persuasion is, and I try and reinforce not to make choices because you think other people will disapprove. Their Dad and Mom support them 100% in their lives, more than I had. I am more a Dad to them now not living under the same roof than I ever was in the decade plus I was “checked out” when I lived with them. So yeah, I used to think I was straight (with one not really good high school experience with a guy), now at near 50 I want only guys. You could not pay me to sleep with a woman, and well I’d do pretty much anything for my man. And I can still be a better Dad than a lot of divorced deadbeats out there who are not gay, bi, whatever. Off the soapbox – where’s the hot butts?

30. ec added on April 10, 2009 :

    Sorry homos but this tall glass of water is mine! Zach’s story is obviously a cautionary tale of don’t drink and bareback.

31. robert added on April 10, 2009 :

    Like always, everybody is missing the essential point: Zachary is hot and he’s Single! Single people! Single!
    Who cares if he’s got five babies growing under his arms… I’ll clean his babies shit everyday.

32. Joey added on April 10, 2009 :

    So are you saying you know this guy Charles? If not, then how do you know this was a “drunken encounter”? There is no mention of him being drunk whatsoever in the story that’s posted here on the site. Drunk or not, I just find the idea of a supposedly “gay man” all of a sudden having sex with a woman, and actually ejaculating from it! To ejaculate, you actually have to be turned on by what’s going on, so clearly Zachary isn’t the “gay man” he claims to be.

    It really does a disservice to young gay people like me when these kind of stories are brought to light. Like I said before, it just gives people more ammo to say that sexuality isn’t immutable like race and gender, and that gay men are actually flimsy and insecure about themselves and who they are. The fact is that for most people, sexuality IS black/white. That’s why the labels “gay” and “straight” exist, for being who are exclusively attracted to one sex. If you’re attracted to both, that’s not a problem, but the label for you is “bisexual”, not “gay” or “straight”.

33. Rich added on April 10, 2009 :

    Mate – you seriously love your son. This makes you a better dad than most people I know ever had. Enjoy the time with him. It’s gonna be the most important of your life and his. And keep up your spirits!
    You rock!

34. Leto added on April 10, 2009 :

    Be strong Zachary! I live in a similar situation. My partner has a daughter. When she was a little girl, she drew a picture on the back of our door. (Yes, she shouldn’t have, but she didn’t get punished.) The picture was a balloon with hearts all over it and in it she had written her name, her mom’s name, her dad’s name and my name. It was her family and told us how she felt. No words could have meant more. She is now a well adjusted 17 year old. You have been blessed Zachary! Now enjoy it.

35. Joey added on April 10, 2009 :

    It’s true that I don’t know the entire details of this particular story Adam, but the fact is that I’ve seen way too much of stuff like this. Why is it that most straight people seem to be so secure and solid in their sexuality when more and more gay men seem to be “questioning” themselves and engaging in experiments with the opposite sex? I know I must sound like a weird old geezer right now, but the truth is that I’m only 17. I’m just very proud of who I am as a gay man, and I feel threatened by this growing “phenomenon” of gay men being “not so gay” anymore and getting with the opposite sex. If things carry on the way they are going, there will be nobody left to lead the gay rights movement, and we will never see a gay person rise to positions in society such as President of the United States. I mean, the label of “gay” may be a construct, but it’s there for a reason. It’s there to be used by men who are exclusively attracted to the same sex, not by men who are interested in both sexes or even are just curious for the other sex (the labels those men should be using are either bisexual or bicurious). I mean I’m sorry, but I don’t know how more obvious or logical it could be: If you’re a man and you willingly sleep a member of the opposite sex, then GAY is not the right label for you!

    I just can’t bear the idea that there will be teenage boys in the future who are exclusively attracted to members of the same-sex who won’t have a way to identify themselves anymore because the word “gay” will have been taken over by bisexual/bicurious men who for whatever reason just don’t have the ability to be honest! I came out as gay so I could be with men, not so I could have everyone think I was just confused and needed to fuck some pussy. It’s as simple as that.

36. charles added on April 10, 2009 :

    I clearly think that some people who commented on here didn’t really read the story.

    This father spends more time with his son than most parents do, three to four days a week… I would hardly call that walking out on his son or selfish. I don’t know it just surprises me how much people want to infer and or judge someone without knowing the whole story….. I agree with Adam, life and human sexuality isn’t black/white! Life happens, life is messy, and puts us in positions that challenge us and redefine us. It should be no shocker that some people in the gay community are themselves haters-of something that doesn’t fit in their little identified box labeled this is what a gay person is (No expections!) I personally don’t see how him having sex one time with one woman in a drunken moment, makes him suddenly Bi-sexual, and or lured into the hetro camp. Sorry, just don’t like seeing a friend, clearly misjudged!
    -

37. Mark added on April 10, 2009 :

    @Adam

    When you and others who think like you can provide multiple verifiable examples of couples comprised of a straight man and a gay man where the straight man says that he only fantasizes and desires women but this one man is an anomaly (it could never happen again) but the love was so powerful, and where these same couples have mind-blowing fulfilling sex, then and only then will your thesis on sexual fluidity have any real credibility.

    I’m not sure why the existence of exclusively homosexual men is such a threat to you and those who share your views. On the one hand you insist that someone like Zachary should be allowed to use the gay label yet you attack Joey for defining it (correctly–for many gay men mind you). Queer theory labels are a construct crap aside, in a perfect world where everyone had the same rights and privileges regardless of their sexual orientation, this whole discussion wouldn’t even need to take place.

    And it doesn’t help your cause when you insult by stating “I bet even you Joey could have sex with a woman.” Why should Joey have to even consider such a thing? Why can’t he just be respected for being exclusively homosexual and leave it at that? And what if it turns out that he couldn’t have sex with a woman? Besides you losing your insulting bet, what would that make Joey? Not human enough? Q.: Who exactly is expressing a “sexual nazi” attitude here? A.: You Adam, and those who think like you.

38. SeanR added on April 10, 2009 :

    I think the line from Priscilla Queen of the Desert about being ‘jealous as hell’ is apt! Wonderful story about making a family of choice, and indicative of how we all find our own ways in life. We need to hear more concrete stories about diveristy of families,as it not only problematises the conervative idea of family norms, but it also challenges ridiculous quips about gay identity if you sleep with a woman (yawn, so 1970’s). The photo is so cute too… yep, jealous as all hell…

39. Adam added on April 10, 2009 :

    Joey your attitude is very sexual Nazi –

    A. You don’t really know the circumstances of what happened that led to the pregnancy, and you’ve concocted this whole scenario in your head whereby you seem to infer that Zachary was WEAK, WEAK! for experimenting with a woman, but coming out of the closet and sexuality is not black and white. Forget for a minute that the religious right uses the argument that gay men can be cured, and that sexuality is a choice – many gay men experiment with women during the pre-coming out process, hell, many gay men can spend 20 years married to a woman raising three or four kids and in very strong denial, denial that can often obscure your own sexual urges, before they put the pieces together and realize they’re gay. If you read anything about the stages of gay life you’ll see that it’s not so simple as you make out – once you’re gay you may only fuck a man and that’s that, otherwise the religious right – who’s movement is dying more and more quickly each year as people’s social attitudes see their fallacious arguments for what they – may use you to further their campaign of misinformation. Check out Uncharted Lives by Stanley Siegel and Ed Lowe Jr for starters.

    B. The fact is that attraction is not cut and dried – how often have you ended up going to bed with someone you didn’t think you found physically attractive, until you got to know them and found out they were charming, smart, and very funny, or something similar? The personality can be a great attraction, and I fail to see why that can’t extend to a woman. Zachary lived with someone he considered his best friend and when you’re able to call someone that, you obviously have some kind of mental attraction to that person. Attraction may be physical, but the mental attraction can play a part in making you attracted to someone in a very “let’s see what would happen if…” way. In the right scenario, I bet even you Joey could have sex with a woman. Would it mean you were suddenly not gay? No. Gay is a label, a construct, one that’s not always perfect, but one that puts a category out there for people to label themselves as in order to further our own human rights. Sexuality is far too vast and great a field to be as cut and dried as you claim it is. Your whole argument is based on a very American construct of homosexuality.

    C. What’s more everyone is a human being right? People don’t always act in their best interests, we’re not able to predict what they can do, and many gay men in their 20’s may be able to identify as gay, may know that they are attracted to men, but may still be processing lingering feelings of self-hatred, or doubt, or “What if?” Not that I know that that was this case with Zachary, but I fail to see why you can’t accept that someone couldn’t be human enough to be gay and have sex with a woman without being aware that his tender feelings towards his best friend, and shockingly a real live boner could in your opinion TOPPLE THE ENTIRE GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT AS WE KNOW IT! You show little understanding that people are human, that life is not so easily predictable, that a family and a father and a gay man can take many different forms. Which is why I’m so fascinated by Zachary’s story. Life is never what you expect it to be.

40. Andrew added on April 10, 2009 :

    FYI-Don’t fuck your best friend.

41. Brian added on April 10, 2009 :

    Why? whywhywhywhy ……..

    Why is it that the moment a “baby”, fatherhood, the intercourse etc. is involved a story like this gets the most hits? Women give birth every fucking Milli-second on this planet, creating a mini universe that we all call family; Yet if it’s a gay guy becoming a father almost everyone feeds their own little “Psycho-drama bull-shit” into this.
    Just leave it! Not having commented on this “very special story” at all would have given gay-dad the most benefit: That Mother-/Fatherhood no matter if gay, straight, bi or lesbo is just as normal as the shit you all take in the morning ….!! Am I bitter? No! But this whole family discussion among Gay men is really reaching a point where I have to ask myself – why do you want to become a dad in the first place? Apparently “he” did, .. and now gets confused about the consequences (grow up I say! …or Dr. Westheimer would say: it’s the most normal thing!)
    My dad, coincidentally is gay, and gave sperm to three sons and moved on … there was no drama involved back then like there is today … I just don’t get it?
    …greetz from Berlin.

42. Joey added on April 10, 2009 :

    I judge him for experimenting for a woman because most people in their 20’s and 30’s have already moved past that “sexual experimenting phase” of their teenage years. Clearly this guy is insecure about his sexuality, and by denying that he’s bisexual or at least bicurious, he is simply reinforcing the stereotype among many in our society that gay men are not really gay, that they are infact bisexual and maybe even straight.

    Sorry Foxy, I don’t know where you come from, but from where I come from men say they are “gay” because they’re not attracted to women, they’re attracted to men! I just think the idea of a man calling himself gay and then going off and having unprotected sex (during which he actually ejaculated) with a woman is just plain creepy, and goes against everything the gay rights movement is working for.

    Jason, I think if a man comes out as gay, they should actually be gay, and not confuse everybody by saying they’re gay if they’re actually bi. All it does is gives more ammo to the radical right. The fact is that most straight people are either Black or white (at least in terms of men), so why is it that people like you, Foxy, and MikeyB seem to have a problem accepting that gay people’s sexuality can be black and white as well?

43. ec added on April 10, 2009 :

    I’ve been with Zachary for over a year and his love and attention for his son absolutely takes precedence more than anything else.

44. MikeyB added on April 10, 2009 :

    So judgmental. I think Zachary taking care of himself was the right choice; if you sacrifice your own mental health “for your kids”, you are doing NO ONE favors. It only makes you resentful and angry at your children, and you end up becoming bipolar, bitter, and hated by everyone.

    A person needs to take care of themselves before they are able to take care of other people. I’m not heaping praise on this guy or anything, but I think moving out was the right thing to do. It’s better to be positive influence in a child’s life than to be a deranged asshole who’s there all the time. Take it from someone who’s been that child.

    Also, why would you judge him for experimenting with a woman? Is it really that big a deal? He didn’t say he was cured of his gayness, just tried experimented with his best friend. It’s crazy they didn’t use protection, but it sounds like they’re doing the right thing by their kid.

    Peace, and best of luck to that little family, as it were.

45. Trelin added on April 10, 2009 :

    This is a wonderful resource for a gay parent, whether co-habitating or single. I loved how this book actually acknowledged that there are single gay dads out there raising children.

    I’ve actually visualized being a single father, and realized that it’s quite a possibility because it’s difficult to find a gay man out there that has the same ambition for wanting a child as I do. So putting all that aside, I told myself that I would go it alone when the time comes.

    http://us.penguingroup.com/nf/Book/BookDisplay/0,,9780425191972,00.html?The_Complete_Lesbian_and_Gay_Parenting_Guide_Arlene_Istar_Lev

    Best of luck in the future! Maybe I shall one day run into you in NYC! : )
    Cute man and his child!

46. jason added on April 10, 2009 :

    A lot of guys who say they are gay are actually bisexual in their biological orientation. I’ve met tons of these guys on the scene. The reason they say they are gay is usually due to the politics of polarization (the gay and straight communities have polarized male sexuality to a point that is unhealthily forcing men to declare they are one or the other) or to the fact that they are close to the “exclusively homosexual orientation” end of the Kinsey scale.

    Anyway, good luck to you all. I’m for happy that you became a father – it sounds like a wonderful experience.

47. Mark added on April 10, 2009 :

    @foxxxy

    If they really are gay, then they won’t be lured. As much as some bisexual purists refuse to believe, there are hard-wired gay men alive on the planet (many of whom yes had hetero experiences before coming out) who even in the most drunken state will find no interest in splattered spam.
    Of course your argument and that of bisexual purists parallels nicely with the anti-gay bigot’s view that homosexuals are just broken heterosexuals. In other words, you and others who share your view, bisexual purists, and the anti-gay bigots effectively erase gay men’s existence.
    Zachary is evidence that there are “self-identified gay men” who are technically bisexual, but in his case he prefers men. His self-identity and actions don’t match up. In many respects, these types of individuals do no service to either gay men or bisexuals. He wants to identify as “gay” while simultaneously denying that pesky “inadvertent” nature of his to have unprotected sexual intercourse with a woman–as though it was just one of those statistical anomalies.
    For the child’s sake I hope he stays responsible and provides for him no matter what. For all he revealed, he clearly left out a lot. Bisexual is not a dirty word and hopefully one day he will be able to embrace such an identity.

48. jefferson added on April 10, 2009 :

    Some of you guys are such reactionary assholes! He didn’t abandon his son, he simply chose not to live a lie with the child’s mother! From what he is said, they are sharing custody. That is clearly a better idea than living together as a couple when their sexualities don’t line up.

49. onthewestside added on April 10, 2009 :

    ok…this lovefest is bullshit

    are we really congratulating this guy (who we assume is a hot, white guy based on a picture, which means nothing) on being lazy and selfish? really? if this was a Black man in Compton, would you all really be so happy with a man who chooses HIS own happiness over that of a 9 month old child? you’re a father, dude…you’re kinda supposed to be miserable. did you really think it would be a fucking hallmark card commercial? and this poor single mother raising a child by herself, only to have some narcissistic fag who wants to swoop in and out of this child’s life whenever HE wants. you. are. an. asshole.

50. Michael added on April 10, 2009 :

    There’s another way of gay parenting put forward by Catherine Hall, here:
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/feb/07/family4

    if it makes for happy people, make it.

51. richard added on April 10, 2009 :

    “solid and immutable like race or gender”???

52. Terrence added on April 9, 2009 :

    Don’t think you’re doing the kid any favors by not being there. You’re putting your own happiness above his happiness. You can do whatever you want, but be honest about it.

    Pretty much the whole parenting thing is a series of huge sacrifices. Maybe it would be better for you if you were raising him with another guy. But that’s not the hand you were dealt.

53. ben added on April 9, 2009 :

    reading rupert’s comments is frustrating, my husband and i were married primarily so we could continue living together, we’re incredibely lucky that civil partnerships are reconginzed by the uk govt. the fact that we don’t have the option of living in the usa is infuriating, obvious discrimination.

54. foxxxy added on April 9, 2009 :

    @ Joey:
    some gay men can indeed be lured into having sex with women, and very willingly so.
    Not everything is as b/w as you apparently would like it to be.

55. onthewestside added on April 9, 2009 :

    if this article was about a Black man in Compton talking about how he is worried about “not being happy” as a father would we really be this fucking lovey-dovey and congratulatory? i mean, this guy is selfish enough to admit to a wide-reaching audience that he just doesn’t feel like being a father because he can’t handle the playground questions. really? please, sir, give us an update when you do decide to swoop back into this child’s life again, on your terms. When the going gets tough, this pussy gets the fuck out of there. ladies, let’ not give this guy a pass just because he’s gay and had a baby on his living room floor. he sounds like a narcissist.

56. Mark added on April 9, 2009 :

    Oops. Spelling correction from my previous comment. Should read “satisfying” not satifying. Although I realize now that I should have written the word inadvertent instead, thus:
    But there has to be plenty of men out there who would fall in love with a young, single, self-identified gay father who enjoys an “inadvertent” sexual experience with a woman every now and then?

57. Mark added on April 9, 2009 :

    I wonder why he is still single? Don’t get me wrong. I don’t find him or anything about his life attractive. But there has to be plenty of men out there who would fall in love with a young, single, self-identified gay father who enjoys a satifying sexual experience with a woman every now and then?

58. jm added on April 9, 2009 :

    so he had sex with a chic – but he is gay???

59. Joey added on April 9, 2009 :

    I’m sorry, but I for one am pissed that this story would be put up as a headliner on this website or anywhere else for that matter. While the fact is that it happened, and there’s nothing that can dispute that, the fact is that this story strengthens the argument that anti-gay activists make all that time that sexual orientation is not solid and immutable like race or gender, but that gay men can be “lured” into sex with women. While I have respect for Zachary for stepping up to take care of the child, I find it disturbing that gay people would be affirming and supporting this story instead of criticizing it for what it is: Another nail in the coffin of the gay rights movement.

60. c added on April 9, 2009 :

    how do I get in touch with Zachary, I need to talk to him, lets just say I could not have read this story at a better time.

61. chandel added on April 9, 2009 :

    i second ‘k’.
    and i didn’t even know. but reading your life has opened my eyes to who you are more.
    how very personal. and well written.
    you have a great support team. and you are a strong person. and i’m sure your boy is incredible because of who you are.

62. Jiles added on April 9, 2009 :

    I would still like to see this guy’s ass.

63. David added on April 9, 2009 :

    It’s a very sweet story. I enjoy those kinds of non-traditional (yet… traditional?) gay stories.

64. Penny Arcade added on April 9, 2009 :

    Wow..this is an amazing story and one i never thought i would read in Butt!!!!
    because of my own experience with gay men, the story resonates quite deeply for me. I never confused one time sexual encounters with gay men as their being emotionally bi-sexual (is that even a state? I mean besides the fact that biologically all humans are capable of bisexuality) and i would imagine that for some women (and for one gay man I am aware of) people can become pretty attached to another human being despite their actual sexual orientation , throw the drama, magic and surrealistic experience of childbirth in there (You DELIVERED YOUR OWN CHILD????? I know with a midwife but still!) That is an over the top exerience for ANYONE that could and wil spin you out for at least 18 months! But I imagine the strong emaotional pull from teh mother to the father of the son would be difficult if you weren”t bisexual ..emotionally, culturally.
    I am very impressed with the honesty here and amazing how the parenting goes beyond sexual orientation..you sound like any hetro man I have ever heard speaking about eing seperated part time from their young child….Also you are quite young and your relationship with your child will of course last a long time…It would be interesting for you to meet other gay fathers..or perhpas that is what the support group you mention is..I know different gay men who have fathered children unexpectedly or before they came out.
    I am very impressed by Butt for doing this piece..
    Hey!!! BUTTE aren’t you the smart one !!!!!!!

65. foxxxy added on April 9, 2009 :

    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

66. ben added on April 9, 2009 :

    Yes reading things like this is why I love BUTT so much. Very powerful just because it seems so much mor honest than any other homosexual publication out there.

67. Bobo added on April 9, 2009 :

    This story shows, how different we all are, and how each life is making it’s own story, and how wonderful those differences really are. In the ideal world, there should be no social confusion as an obstacle for a lovely story such as this one.

68. charles added on April 9, 2009 :

    Butt is branching out…I like

69. gabriel added on April 9, 2009 :

    Touching. Even if I don’t see the problem explaining to the heterosexual people that you both are not married and that you’re a single gay parent.

70. rodrigo added on April 9, 2009 :

    I’m just speechless after reading the whole story.
    And I think, being a parent is a hard work for anyone of us (gay, bi or st8), and the choice of Zachary of being happy is over all the matters, the best thing that this child will receive in the future: a very well done human being, parent and DAD.
    I would like to be a parent anyway.
    Cheers !

71. k added on April 9, 2009 :

    the honesty involved in this and your entire style as a parent are truely rare and extraordinary. you are deeply admired and loved.

72. michael added on April 9, 2009 :

    Wow, talk about a story I never expected to read on the Butt blog.

    Definitely an interesting read, and i’m so glad it’s all working out for you Zachary. Cute dad and son.

73. Nico added on April 9, 2009 :

    Pretty interesting to contrast this story with Rupert Everett’s recent criticism of gay fathers:
    http://ickaprick.blogspot.com/2009/04/whos-your-daddy.html

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