Tuck Mayo

Amos: Nice hat.
Tuck: My ex got me this hat in Tijuana. But I’ve had an obsession with anything country since I was a tiny kid. I lived on my own farm when I was in high school. I dig quiet nights, animals, Marlboro reds and Randy Travis. I also enjoy Hamburger Helper and boxed potatoes. I lean towards the identification of ‘white trash city boy.’
How long have you been a smoker for?
12 years, noooo 14 years….How sad! Since I was fourteen years old! And I’ve always smoked the same smokes.
You’re a real cowboy then!
I quit for four months once and never stopped jonesing, I was a mess and smoked millions of joints to make it better, but instead I was just angry and high. I want to quit though because it’s killing me.
Does it interfere with your work out habits?
Yes. It makes me weaker and it gives me big time asthma when there shouldn’t be any.
What does that ‘S’ on your wall stand for?
Shady, my dog. I found the letters T and S around the corner laying on the sidewalk and I knew it was a sign because firstly, I am in love with my dog, and secondly because I am a ‘TS’ (transsexual)…so it had a double meaning to it. I’m going to make a heart and jam it in between the letters.
Was it hard being a transguy on the farm?
Before I transitioned from female to male, I wore all my boyfriends Wrangler jeans and Ford truck t-shirts and argued with people about how Ford trucks kick Chevy trucks’ asses. But I was hiding in the form a straight blonde tomboy.
So you were a pretty butch girl, even though you were dating men?
I was super butch but had long hair parted in the middle like a lazy hippie.
What kind of men do you like?
Back then I dated feminine guys that were really loving. Now as a man I’m only attracted to big burly mean dudes. The older the better, but not too old or I’ll accidentally think of my Dad and that’s awkward.
How often do you work out?
2-3 times a week but I’m trying to bump that up to 3-4.
Were you always in good shape?
I’ve always gone back and forth. I was super athletic as a kid into young adulthood but once I hit the drinking age I took my whiskey and ran with it. I got all puffy and looked like a handsome marshmallow. Since I quit drinking I use beefcake-ing as an outlet to release all my energy and ease my boredom and now that I’m starting to see results I’m addicted!
What’s a typical day in the life of Tuck Mayo?
Wake up, roll into my clothes, walk Shady while smoking. Run to the bus stop while listening to really bad music on a half broken ipod shuffle. Stuff like Coldplay or Tim McGraw. Then I get coffee, then a 2nd coffee, flirt online, then work! Porn, porn, porn.
Tell me about your job! What is your job title and what do you do?
Officially I’m a ‘meta data editor.’ I write descriptions of fuck flicks and write a blog about my favorite clip of the day. Basically, I’m paid to talk dirty. I’ve always prided myself on being filthy and shocking around my friends. I like to push the envelope with my jokes in general, now I get to do it and get paid.
Do you talk dirty when you’re having sex or is it just something you happen to do at work?
No, I clam up in bed and all I can do is kind of grunt… my sex grunt is well known to my roommates…
What does it sound like?
Imagine someone is picking up a couch… like lots of long grunts…similar to a boar rooting in the woods. Sometimes I say ‘fuck yeah,’ but that’s the extent of my actual verb-age.
How do you usually meet men? Ever at the gym?
Never at the gym; always on Craigslist! I love that site. I use it to find everything! Roommates, furniture, plumbers, anonymous sex…
So you’re mainly into anonymous hook ups?
Completely. I hate running into tricks. It bothers me and I pretend like I’ve never met them. I usually give them fake names.
Why is that?
I just don’t want to date seriously right now… and I definitely don’t want to spoon.
Is that a Madonna poster up there or is that Marilyn Monroe?
Madonna. I am a reformed Madonna fan. I used to think she was the shit until she started putting out bad music and became all pop teen at the ripe age of 100.
Would you be willing to recreate that Madonna poster if I were to shoot it in public?
I would. I’m a camera slut. I would walk naked through Central Park for your camera.

Amos Mac is the editor of Original Plumbing.