YOUR BIG DICK HOST

Interview and Photography by Michael Bullock

Thanks to Manhattan’s ongoing real estate boom, the part of Brooklyn where Bedford meets Stuyvesant has been cleaned up tremendously. It looks more like The Cosby Show than the sort of hood you’d expect of the area where Jay-Z, Notorious B.I.G. and Lil’ Kim grew up and where my taxi driver is hesitant to drop me off. I’m here tonight to meet the proprietor of the Thugs4thugsex.com web site and sex party. I have no idea what to expect since my plans to attend his sex fest have fallen through several days and weeks in a row. The Thugs4thugsex web site is both funny and intimidating. I hope I’ll be thug enough for him to be comfortable. To prepare, I got a fresh fade, I put on a wife beater, baggy jeans and sneakers.

Initially, I can’t believe how young Your Big Dick Host looks. I would guess he was 25. He’s cute, with a baby face and a lazy eye that I find incredibly sexy. He is wearing the exact same outfit I am wearing. Before we sit down to talk he tells the boy on the couch watching cartoons that it’s time to go to bed. It’s his son, Thugs Jr. The Host prefers me to keep the interview and pictures anonymous so as not to interfere with some of his other professional activities. The sex party has become his primary business. On a good weekend he makes about $3000. At the end of the night, before we take the pictures, he tells me he’s afraid to show his cock off because it’s so big and he doesn’t want guests to come to the party thinking that’s what they’re going to get — him and his boyfriend are monogamous. I assure him that I’ll make that clear and I succeed in getting his shorts off to witness a humongous penis.

Michael: How would you define a thug?
Your Big Dick Host: For one, the main thing for a thug would be masculinity, definitely. A thug is also determined by the kind of clothes he wears. There has to be that whole hip-hop flair.
But hip-hop style is changing so much right now…

It’s changing but you can still recognize hip-hop attire. It’s still pretty much jeans and baggy clothes. I don’t think it’s a definite uniform ’cause people have their own flair, you know, their own little touches. It could be just a tank top or it could be a really baggy T-shirt and it could still come across as thuggish, but it’s definitely far from the types you would see in Chelsea.
But is there something greater that defines a thug besides a look and an outward masculinity? Does it matter what you do for a living?

I think it has a lot to do with attitude. A thug has a certain attitude and certain……opinions, even if he may not really express them. It’s just maintaining a certain image — you know, not letting people see you sweat, always keeping cool. But, you know, I definitely wouldn’t say that everybody that comes here is a thug or has to be a thug. It’s more the theme. Personally, I don’t consider myself to be a thug, you know, ’cause there’s different parts to me and to be a thug is not the main thing. I’m street savvy but I don’t consider myself to be a thug.
Does it have to do with race?
Not really. If someone doesn’t come across as being genuine people can be very critical but at the same time hip-hop culture can embrace other people as their own, whether they’re white, Asian, or whatever. Hip-hop culture likes people that are different but that they can identify with at the same time. Like, ‘Damn, he’s just like us.’
Where do you think the bravado, the hyper masculinity comes from? Does it have to do with a drug-dealing attitude?
I think it may have started with a certain drug dealers’ vibe but now it has more to do with music, music videos and movies glorifying the whole drug thing. A lot of people think that is what being a thug is all about. But there’s many people that grow up in those neighborhoods and are surrounded by that and live with it everyday and they’re not involved themselves but they still have to survive it. I do think a lot of times that thugs in one way or another have to deal with drugs and crime and violence, you know, being strong and holding their head in a certain situation in one way or another.
So the experience gives the thug a certain integrity, strength and attitude that becomes sexually attractive to other thugs?
Yeah, the attitude is sexy, but it’s an attitude that can apply to anything you’re doing. Part of the mentality of being a thug is you always want to be on top. You always want to appear strong, you always want to be strong, you never want to be punked or messed around with. And that attitude can be applied to so many different walks of life. If you apply it right it’s something that can take you really far. There are examples of people that did come from the drug culture or a criminal past and have turned it around.
Isn’t gay sex at odds with everything a thug is supposed to be?
Well I do have a thing on my web site about hip-hop and homophobia. The funny thing about hip-hop is so many aspects of it are homoerotic. You know, their shirts are always off and their bodies are always oiled up. Their pants are hanging off their asses. It’s very sexual. Plus often it’s anti-female. One thing about homo thugs is that they feel a lot more comfortable dealing with another guy that is really masculine. You know, a guy they can walk down the street with and be like ‘Yo what’s up.’ They feel comfortable that they can walk down the street knowing they’re not looked upon as two gay dudes hanging out together. I’ve seen guys on the corner selling drugs or whatever and they’re very thuggish and they see a feminine dude and might call him faggot or whatever, but behind closed doors it’s a different story. I see that a lot.
Kanye West on the clip from CNN that you link to on your web site says hip-hop is the opposite of gay. How do you feel about that?
Well, there are so many rumors about him messing around, you know, and he is one of the few that I think is against homophobia in hip-hop.
’Cause he’s a closet queen?
Ah, I wouldn’t say that. I would say he’s way too arrogant though.
Who do you think is on the DL out of the current batch of hip-hop stars?
I don’t know and I don’t really care. You can drive yourself crazy trying to guess. You’ll never know.
Well, have any of them come to your party?
I don’t know, there’s been rumors. Wendy Williams said on her radio show that it was rumored that 50 Cent and Busta Rhymes were spotted here, but if they were here I didn’t know it.
Why is thug or hip-hop culture so against being openly gay?
Honestly, I think it’s more against guys that are effeminate as opposed to gay.
Well, what’s wrong with being effeminate? Women can be extremely strong…
There’s a big difference between a strong woman and a strong effeminate gay guy. I mean, if you’re with a strong woman no one questions your manhood. They don’t want to hang around effeminate guys because they don’t want people to think they’re gay.
Even though gay culture’s become so overly masculine?
Still, society at large doesn’t see that. The most public gay figures are still the one’s on Will & Grace or Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. That’s what society thinks gay people are and nobody wants to be looked at as that. It’s not sexy. It’s good for TV. It’s good to entertain straight people but it’s not sexy. Plus all of these hip-hop artists have to protect their careers. Even outside of hip-hop, look at George Michael! Could he have had the same career if he was openly gay from the beginning? He was a sex symbol. Women loved him and men wanted to be him. He couldn’t have done that if he was gay.
I get it. So why did you start Thugs4thugsex?
Well, there was another party called Nubian Muscle who I was renting my basement to.
Did you go to that party before you rented the space?
No, I met the guy through other people that I knew. We were kinda hanging out. I wasn’t familiar with sex parties myself at all. So it was really interesting to hear him telling me about it. Apparently the problem they had was a consistent location. They were doing it once a month, always at different locations in the Bronx and Brooklyn. It was hard for the patrons to keep up with it. People like consistency. This was maybe a few months after I bought this brownstone, and this place was basically uninhabitable. I have done just about all the renovating myself.
It looks good.
Thank you. And as bad as it looks downstairs! I haven’t done much downstairs ’cause there’s just so much traffic. It’s dark, it gets really messy. Some guests don’t really have respect for the space. People put gum on the floor, they piss on the floor…
They piss? Not in the bathroom?
Yeah. I had to add a second bathroom. One was enough when I first started and then it took maybe a year and a half until it really started to kick off. A lot of people that try to start parties don’t have that kind of patience. They think it will be fast money and don’t understand that it takes time, promoting and advertising. Getting the word out. But when it did pick up I had to add the bathroom, ’cause one wasn’t enough.
So now if you have a night with 80 guests, are two bathrooms okay?
If I could find the space for a third bathroom I’d make one. But two’s fine. It really did help. The thing I had to do with the second is I didn’t put a lock on the door, ’cause what happens is that guys want to go in there and keep it private, and then a line forms. And then I have to break it up. There are more renovations I want to do.
To make the party better?
To make the house better. I’m just the kinda person that is always looking for projects. I just have a lot of fun doing it. But I can only do stuff down there that they won’t fuck with.
So Nubian Muscle stopped?
Yeah, he did it here every week as opposed to once a month, and that worked for a while until they decided to move it to Manhattan. And then it stopped. When they left I said, you know what? Maybe I should do my own party and utilize the space for myself. At the beginning it was tough. Like, one or two people would show up and they would look at each other and then at me, and I would look at my watch.
Would you mess around with them to get things going?
It depends. At the time I didn’t have a lover, so sometimes when I would find someone really attractive, I would do my thing. That’s why the guests started to call me the Big Dick Host.
I thought that was a marketing idea?
No, it’s for real.
So do you approve everyone that comes?
Yeah, I do approve everyone that gets in. The main thing for me that’s more important than race or being a thug or not is that people aren’t underage and that people aren’t fat.
That is extremely clear on your web site.
Well, I get some humongous people trying to get in. People send fake pictures or give a wrong description and that’s fine in the sense that that’s all a preliminary thing. The real test is when they come here. That really determines if they get in.
So are you curating the door at every party, three nights a week all year?
Ninety percent of the time I’m there. I wasn’t there two weeks ago, ’cause I was in Jamaica. If I’m not at the door, my brother handles it. I trust his taste.
Is he gay too?
He is totally straight. He’s married and he has a kid, but he doesn’t have any issues about being around whomever, ’cause he is very comfortable with himself. Everybody tells me how much he looks like me. He has a son who’s a year and a half old. At one point my brother had to answer the door holding his baby. The guests were really confused.
Does the rest of your family know of your parties?
Oh yeah, my family knows what I do. And they think it’s an excellent idea. My mother calls me when the weekend’s over to see how many people came. I’ll be, like, ‘56’ and she’ll be like, ‘Good, that’s great!’ And then if it’s slow she makes up excuses to make me feel better.
Back to the door policy: why are you so against heavy people?
I’m not. The thing that drove the direction of the door policy is the people that come. If you have a party with a bunch of undesirables, the guests let you know. I get a lot of feedback. When I was less selective at the door I immediately heard about it.
So you’re not personally against bellies. It’s strictly a business decision.
Yeah. It’s not about my attraction. I have been with heavier men and women that were really attractive to me. One guy was attractive to me but he wouldn’t have been able to come to my party. You know, people carry weight differently. Some people look really great big, and not all slim people are attractive. But it’s not based on my own preference. It’s based on the feedback. Another thing is I don’t expect people to have perfect gym bodies. If people are average and in shape, that is fine.
How many years have you been throwing the party?
Seven years.
How old are you? You don’t look that old?
I know, but I am actually 39. Most people think I’m twenty-something.
Is there an age limit for your guests?
I don’t make a big deal about an age gap. If somebody comes here and looks like they should be in Florida, retired, I’m not going to let them in. But I have honestly had guys come here who were 21, 22 and they couldn’t get in ’cause they were so sloppy and disgusting.
What do you mean?
I mean, saggy breasts, flabby arms. And then some older guys are hot. I have one guy that comes to party from Boston at least once a month and this guy is 56 years old and his body is just amazing. Just amazing! So cut, so chiseled, you can see he’s a mature man in his face, but if you would guess his age, you would bet he’s 39 or 40.
So what’s it like for you during the night?
I’m mostly at the door setting the tone, collecting the money, picking out who can get in. The parties are downstairs and in the basement. The top three floors are private. From time to time I walk through to make sure there are condoms.
’Cause it’s a safe-sex party?
It is, even though not everyone can be forced to practice safe sex. It’s a safe-sex party though.
You even have a link to the NYC Health Department on your web site.
Well, I have had a handful of people e-mailing me after the party saying they think they got burned and asking what the hell they should do. So I direct them to the web site, which tells them what’s open on Saturdays. So they can get themselves checked out.
What music do you play at the party?
I put on a hip-hop radio station that doesn’t run too many commercials.
And what do people do at the party? I mean, how are they hooking up? Is there a lot of fucking happening, or circle jerks, or is it just cruisy?
Really depends. In some cases there will be a major fuck fest of large groups of guys fucking the shit out of each other. Some people who want a little more privacy will pair off and you’ll just find two or three guys kissing, fucking or jerking off more intimately in a dark corner. The space is large enough that people can be seen as much as they want or as little as they want.
How many people come each night?
Well, Fridays and Saturdays it’s packed with from 40 to as many as 90 people. This past Friday I had 47 and on Saturday I had 56.
You may think I’m obsessed with race, but out of 56, what is the breakdown? Would the majority be black? Would I get in if I came?
Yeah! I don’t know if you’re Hispanic but you come across as Hispanic. That’s what I said about hip-hop culture: it does embrace other people. I’d say at my party it’s seventy percent blacks, lots of Hispanics and Indians come, a few Asian guys and a few white guys.
Does your boyfriend come to the party?
Sometimes. He likes me to fuck him in front of other people. He is especially turned on if the people watching are bottoms. It’s this whole ‘Look what I’m getting, look what you can’t have’ thing. He likes to make the other bottoms jealous.
He’s proud. Do you mind being shown off like that?
You know, I like to show off too, so it’s cool. Usually we pick out a few people and invite them upstairs to the private part of the house to watch; it’s a turnoff or a turn-on, depending on who is watching. Personally, I really have to be comfortable to perform. I can’t do it if the guys who are watching turn me off.
So you both never hook up with other guests?
He’s very monogamous.
But don’t they try to join in?
They do, and I wouldn’t mind it sometimes, but he is very against it.
How long have you been together?
Six years.
And before him you were with a girlfriend?
My ex-wife, the mother of my son. She’s bisexual, just like me. It’s something we had in common, you know. For me, some people misunderstand bisexuality: they think you’re confused and they think you don’t know what you want. It’s not confusing to me. You should enjoy them both. And I’m the kind of person that does one thing at a time. If I’m with a guy, I’m with the guy; if I’m with a girl, I’m with the girl. I don’t jump back and forth.
Don’t you miss the thing you’re not getting?
I do. When I’m with him I sometimes think about women. When I’m with women I do occasionally think about guys, but in some ways it’s a very similar experience for me, whether it’s a man’s hole or a woman’s. Although men sound different. They feel different. I like those differences.
Well, doesn’t one excite you more than the other?
It depends on the person. When it comes to men, I have had sex with men that were off the hook, just really enjoyable, and then I have had some sex that was a waste of time. The same for women.

End