Artist is Compelled to Suck Jawbreaking Dick During Random Grindr Hookup with Cocktease
MILAN, ITALY — I found this guy on Grindr who was like one hundred meters away (+/– 75 meters). We started chatting and he was like, ‘You can’t even imagine the things we’ll do with my cock. You’ll worship it and you’ll beg me for more. I can’t show it to you now, but let’s meet and you’ll see it live. You’ll beg me on your knees to fuck you hard.’ I was like, ‘Look, I don’t like to have anything stuck up my ass, so forget it,’ and he said that’s just because I haven’t seen his cock.
So we met. He was a very hot arab with KING OF HANDCUFFS written on his t-shirt. He bought me drinks and we talked a little, but only talking about his cock and how wonderful it is. I was kind of wanting it, like it was the day before Christmas and I couldn’t wait to unpack my gifts.
We went to his hotel room and he said he had to go to the toilet, so I took all my clothes off and sat on the bed. I waited naked on that bed for like forever, and eventually started to jerk off. Then he came back, still dressed, and asked me what I was doing. I said I was getting ready and trying to look sexy. He sat next to me, and I could clearly see through his shorts that there was no erection.
Then he asked me what my mother’s job was. I was like, ‘Who gives a fuck? Why don’t you just show me that miracle in your pants?’ He asked if I wouldn’t mind if he turned on some pay-per-view porn. I was like ‘Okay whatever,’ but was really getting pissed and horny at the same time — so horny, I could’ve fucked a keyhole.
Then someone knocked on the door. I tried to grab my undies, but KING OF HANDCUFFS asked me not to and let in this guy in who was like the retarded version of Jason Schwartzman. Then he said I had to suck off the retarded Jason before I could get to his miraculous cock (that I had not even seen yet). I agreed so he pulled it out and said something like, ‘Work it.’
The retarded Jason Schwartzman had this dick like a Coke can — the same length as a Coke can, but a little bit less thick. KING OF HANDCUFFS was like, ‘Deep throat him.’ And I was like, ‘It’s too short to reach my throat.’ Actually, it was just complicated to get it into my mouth since that kind of hard thickness makes your jaw hurt. Then he grabbed me by the hair and started filming with an iPhone, while making some live video reports like: ‘Look at that cum slut, how cock-hungry he is.’ It took him like three minutes to cum in my face.
Finally, KING OF HANDCUFFS pulled out his flaccid cock and gave the iPhone to the retarded Jason Schwartzman look-alike. Since I would probably throw up if he’d try to stick that totally not-miraculous dick in my mouth, I just jerked him off while licking his balls. Without ever getting hard, he came in less than a minute.
Immediately after, they told me to leave. It’s not like I wanted to stay. On my way out of the hotel, I jerked-off in the hallway and came on a bonsai-size palm tree.
- 5 October 2011
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Dafuq?! LOL, love that story!
:-)
just love the way you came out and came on the palm in the end. wouldn’t have done it better myself :)
Sorry about that!
exquisitely written, so funny, great punch-line x
All right, so things like that happen 2 all of us…
great story!
Loved the story dude, we all have those don’t we?
Great story.
LOL
Too funny!!
So sad.
HA!
HOT MESS!
hahahahahhahahahahhahahahhaha excellent!
…also a bonsai needs some nutrients…you did a good work…Go on this way.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
what a story
What a mess those two idiots.
sometimes disappointment – especially epic disappointment like this – is what we are after.
Has a guy who boasted about his dick ever turned out not to be a worthless waste of human skin?
we’ve all been there. bonsai be big now.
LOL. i should write my experiences too… jumm
great :D
so funny, good story. x
Not looking foward to live that experience ‘_’
AMEN!
hahahaaaa!!!!!! BRILLIANT!!! BRILLIANT!!!! HAHAHAHAAA!!!!
Hahahaha. . . actually I´d like to suck a Jason Schwartzman look-a-like. . . sure, if the original was not available !
I love that you just beatoff on a tree haha thats pretty rad. Doesnt sound like much of a good time was had.
i thought the retarded version of Jason Schwartzman was already Jason Schwartzman? ouch.
that was terrifyingly hilarious
Where does one get a shirt that says “King of Handcuffs”? It sounds hilarious. Actually, maybe mine should say “KNAVE OF HANDCUFFS”.
This story is soo crazy!!! I love it!!
so you into gardening???lol
LOL wise move regarding the bonsai. It’s probably 6 foot tall now though… I always make sure I never leave with a full load too myself.
amazing. we do some shit, don’t we.
wtf?
Fucking hilarious. Poor tiny palm tree.
So glad you jacked off in the hall
LOL
That wasn’t a plant
THAT WAS ME!!
what else is new.
Well, Filip, I hope you are in better command of your art than your life.
Hilarious! Although i’m Attracted to Mildly Retarded Looking (And Acting,who am I Kidding) Guys, I find them to be quite fun in Bed,lol not to mention that I’d Do Jason Schwartzman in a NY Minute!
oh my! well that is grindr for you
poor guy.
lucky bonsai
The last sentence is beautiful.
you should have made citizens arrest on that shit
haha, lame turn out. But at least you got your nut off on the bonsai!
great story; i had to laugh, i had to cry, and it made me a strange kind of horny
good story but seriously who agrees to meet up without exchanging several pics?!?! =)
That’s life. I hope in the future you have better experience going out with men on Grindr. Its a nice app. Have to try it sometime.
I was getting to get turned on. How disappointing.
ha! beautiful!!!
That’s depressing :(
I guess you like any BIG DICK. I would have preferred seeing and banging is sweet ARAB ASS.
Jizzing on the palm tree is just perfect for the end of this story. Sorry king of handcuffs was such a let down. Better luck next time!
Agreed!
Y A W N…..this story was like watching paint dry…sorry :(
you bet
i loved this!! totally not what i expected from the opening teaser paragraph. loved reading something so brutally honest and hilarious. god knows we’ve all been in similar situations at some point in our lives…
I’d like to see the retard’s cock. Why’d the guy go to all the trouble. If someone told me they had a friend with a coke can cock that needed sucking I’d be right over.
Why would anyone put up with that is beyond me.
my thoughts exactly. douchefaces need to be told, not sucked off.
i actually sympathize with the author. sometimes, when you’re really (REALLY) horny, it becomes a mission to get off by whatever means necessary, and it’s easy to convince yourself in the heat of the moment that a situation is a lot sexier than it really is. sometimes it takes a while before realizing / admitting to yourself, “actually, this sucks…”
If you’re trying to fancy something, I want you to know that Cum, USA is way too far for me to reach you or whatever.
when I am horny and kind of drunk, I’d suck even your uncle.
Coming on the little palm tree is art. I am truly laughing to tears right now.
Grindr in Milano is like telephone sex. You nearly never get to see them. Nearly…
I am pretty proud of the bonsai palm tree.
in miami just have to say the right words and it has to be dark enough
its the quiet ones that surprise you the most
hmm…I must sign up to that Grindr….NOT. :-)
daft kaunt – who gives a shite?!
Yeah, big advertising like that are usually BS.
All the wood was small. Poor Filipe.